Daze
by carmensakura07
Summary: This is about a girl who reminisce about her past love. He could have been the one But he wasn't Because to him, she was just a summer fling.


I scooped up my granola yogurt as I flipped the newspaper. I should have known that I wouldn't enjoy this. Why did I ever let Steph talk me into eating this? Okay, it's not Steph fault. Steph recently became a health junkie and she was so enthusiastic about it that I got caught up in it. I frowned as the sourness of the yogurt hit my tastebud. I should have not bought this. I never liked yogurt to begin with. What made me think that granola yogurt was going to be nice. Well, at least I can say that I tried it but sadly, I didn't enjoy it.

I flipped the newspaper and there it was. His face blasted all over the page. I recognized him immediately. He looked older now but I could still tell it was him. His slick back hair made him look good as he flashed his thousand dollar smile. I knew I should have turned to the next page and yet, my eyes lingered on that page as I began to read that article.

I wasn't surprised that he's successful now. He always had that vibe about him. Most of all, he came from a rather well to do family. This has always been the future for him. In a corner, there was a picture of both him and his wife. I felt a tinge of jealousy and anger. My eyes rested on his wife.

 _Blonde.  
Tall.  
Thin.  
Pretty._

I knew it. I knew this was the type of girls he would want in his arms for the future. As I continue to read, it stated that his wife was a capable and smart women too. Someone who has charities and what not.

Didn't she just sound perfect? No wonder he kept her.

I always knew he and I would have never lasted. Most of all, I knew he was never serious about me.

I ended up frowning. All these years, I never had a thought of him and yet, this simple article seems to be opening wounds that I thought has been mended. My heart seems to feel heavy again and the memories seems to flood in like it was yesterday.

But it wasn't yesterday.

We were both so young when we met. I was just a girl and he was just a boy.

I remember how we met so clearly for it felt like an odd dream.

It was years ago, when a favourite band of mine used to have shows in odd random places. Every time they came up with a new album, they would announce that they had a show in an odd place and they would play their new album there. After that show, only then will their album be released to the public. I absolutely adored this band when I was younger. So when they announced that they had a new album, I was one of the first in line to buy the tickets for the show.

That year, the show was held in a forest. This band was known for odd venues to play their albums. They were just cool that way back then. Most of all, you had to be a diehard fan to even be able to know the venue and how to get the tickets. I was a diehard fan and that's why I knew.

I went to the show and for the first time in my life, I felt disappointed in the music that they were playing. I have always loved all their albums but that was the first time, I hated what they were playing. After the fifth song, I snuck out of the show.

I ended up going deeper into the forest. I sat there and just stared blankly. I found that I enjoyed being away from the crowd. But at the same time, I wasn't too far away as I could still hear the music blasting in the distance. It was both a quiet and a noisy moment. There was something peaceful in being in a place where you were alone but at the same time, you could hear the loudness of it all from a distant place.

It was like, sitting in a coffee shop, watching all the busy bustling people move about. It gave the same sort of peace.

As I sat, I heard a voice say hello.

"Yes?" I turned

"Oh my gosh, thank goodness! I thought you were a ghost or something?!"

I chuckled. "Nope. I'm still very human."

"It's dark here. I can't see well."

"Neither can I."

That voice came closer till I could see him. And there he was, in his t-shirt and jeans. His hair was a complete mess. But although much younger and naïve, his smile was still charming as ever.

He introduced himself and I did the same.

He sat down next to me, "You think their new music is shit, don't you?"

"Yea. Totally disappointed." I shrugged.

"Yea, me too."

We started talking and we were both surprised at how easy it was to talk to each other. It was as if we've known each other for years. By the end of the night, we ended up exchanging numbers.

In the beginning, we just texted each other. As the week's passes by, our texts were both frequent and filled with insider jokes. I felt comfortable with him. Soon, we begun hanging out. We hung out for coffee, for ice cream and smoothies. We hung out for any reason at all. We talked and talked. I had no idea that we had so much to talk about and I barely can remember what it was we talked about but we had so much to say to one another.

It wasn't long when we started going out. This is where my hearts feels heaviest because the memories he left me were both beautiful and great. We take long walks as we talked, have dinner picnics and danced quietly in moonlit park. He would always kiss me softly and hugged me tightly. In those dizzying moments, I thought those moments would last forever. It felt so right and so good. It felt like our puzzles fit. I thought he was the one.

He was never mean or harsh with me. He was always great company and he never complained about my company either so I assumed he must have enjoyed my company. We weren't together for a long time nor were we together for a short time either. We were together for a year. In the passing of time, I thought our bond grew stronger but it was only an illusion. What to me was a growing everlasting bond, to him, was a ticking clock.

I never saw it coming. Thus, when it hit me, it felt like my world crashed. The crazy thing is, he never even showed a gradual lost in interest. It was sudden, like a hurricane coming and wiping out everything.

I still remembered that phone call. Yes, he didn't even have the guts to say it in my face.

He called and I remembered his quivering voice. "I have something to tell you."

"Speak away!"

"I'm leaving to further my studies overseas."

"Oh cool! I'm so happy for you! You always wanted this."

He paused. "This means we can't be together anymore."

Just like that, he said it, so suddenly.

"Wait what? Why?"

"I want to focus on my studies."

"I won't be there to distract you or anything. Loads of people have long distance relationships anyway."

His voice was flustered, "You know how much my studies matters to me. I really just want to focus on this. A relationship, long distance or not, would be a distraction."

"But we can make it work? We don't have to have a long distance relationship if you don't want to. But when you come back, I'll be here, waiting for you."

"Then, it would be unfair to you and I don't want to burden you as I already have."

"What do you mean by that?"

He fell silent.

"Why don't you want to work on our relationship?"

"My studies are more important."

"Are you saying I'm not important?"

He sighed, "No. I'm just saying I have no time for relationships."

"But I can wait for you."

He paused before he hesitantly answered, "But I don't want you to."

"Why?"

He was silent again.

Finally it hit me. "You don't intend for us to last."

"Yea….."

I held my phone tightly, not quite sure what to say and at shock at what he just admitted.

I think my silence was worrying on the phone so he finally said, "I'm sorry. I really am. I mean you're nice and I like you and all. It was totally fun and all. But that's it. It's just for fun for me. And I'm really sorry."

I didn't know what to say or do. He wasn't mean or cruel or anything. It was just sad that what I thought was real was actually just a dream. This was all a beautiful dream and I was bound to wake up from it. Sadly, this was the time for me to wake up.

I hated how he showed no signs of him ever going to leave me. I hated how secure I felt.

My silence continued and I could hear him getting worried, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yea, whatever." I hung up on him.

He tried calling again after that but I didn't pick it up. After trying to call me twice, he just left me a text saying sorry.

And he never tried contacting me again.

For the few days after that, it was hard. I was so mad at him for not trying to contact me. To explain further or to properly apologize. And then it settled upon me that, he was really never going to contact me again. It was over. I was completely crushed.

I hated how sudden he broke my heart.

How could he do this to me?

I actually loved him.

Although I blamed him for not giving me a sign that he was going to leave me, I knew better. I should have known I wasn't the one for him. It was clear that I was nothing but a summer fling to him. He never brought me to see his friends or family. We never talked about the future. He never talked about how he wanted me to live in his future apartments. He never asked to see my friends or family. He never talked about how our future could be intertwined. We talked only of the present and the past. And whenever he talked about the future, it was only his future, never mine or ours.

But he never did search for me or tried to contact me ever again. That part was easy I guess. We didn't have any mutual friends. Although I was completely crushed at first, I slowly managed. It was a good thing that we didn't have any mutual friend. It made it easy to cut off all contact. The only problem would probably be the memories left. At that time, it felt hard. But over time, somehow I just naturally moved on.

But if I had naturally moved on, I wonder though, why does this sudden article hurt me so? Why does my heart feel so heavy? Why do I feel like I wished I was the one he chose? Does time not heal all wounds?

It's been so many years and I haven't thought of him. Not even once. But the ambush of this article made me think of him. Now that I thought of him, I feel like I have never really moved on. There was a sting in my heart. A sour bitter sting. Although it was not nearly as intense as the overwhelming crushed feeling of the past, I hated that I felt something. It was enough to dampen the mood of my remaining day.

I closed the newspaper, in attempts to stop myself thinking of him. But it was far too late. The damage has been done.

I heard my door unlock. I turned around and it was Max.

"Hey baby." He greeted me as I looked at him

"Hey." I knew my voice to be coarse.

"I thought you hate yogurt." He raised his eyebrow as he saw my bowl filled with that granola yogurt.

I laughed lightly, "I do."

"So how are you finding that meal?" He leaned on the wall, smirking. He knew I hated it.

"I hate it."

His smirk only grew, "And lucky for you, I like yogurt. So I will help you eat that."

"Thank you."

"I won't understand why you eat stuff you don't like."

"Steph talked me into it."

He lightly pats me on my head, "You're far too kind."

He took my bowl and sat down next to me.

I watched him eat my granola yogurt. The heavy feeling I felt from that article disappeared.

He gulped the yogurt granola so quickly.

"If you keep eating that way, you'll choke." I sighed

"Or will I?" He joked.

I rolled my eye

Max may not be a prince or perfect. But he was certainly kind and gentle. Being with him all this time has made me feel nothing but happiness and peace. I remembered that I should be grateful. And my heart grew light and happy again.


End file.
